I’m pretty sure he’s dead.

Another patient that I had during my ICU clinical rotations was an older man who pretty much had one foot in the grave.  And the other one on a banana peel.  It was awfully sad as he did not have any family at all except one niece who lived far away and would call occassionally to see how he was doing.  It was my first experience witnessing death as it happened.  I was in the room when the old man passed.  It was so strange to see the flat line on the monitor and then take him off of the ventilator. 

A little while later, we began to clean him up, put a toe tag on him and then get the body bag ready to put him in.  Only, his chest started to move up and down like he was breathing.  I almost had a heart attack right then and there on the spot.  I mean, geez, what if he really was alive and we sent him down to the morgue?? This freaked me out.  I went over very carefully and felt for a pulse: nothing.  I then listened for a couple of minutes with my stethoscope to his heart: again, nothing.  But his freaking chest was going up and down!!! 

 Well, apparently, there is a such a thing as reflexes that make this happen. 

“He stuck a bottle up his butt.”

Yeah, you heard me right.  This was my first patient I had as a student in the Intensive Care clinicals.  You would have to understand how timid and shy I was back then to fully appreciate how upsetting getting this patient was. 

So, I came in that morning and got my patient.  Frequently, in the ICU patients get transferred off of the unit to another place as is what happened with the patient that I had the day before.  So, I got a new one.  We’ll call him Mr. Jones.  The nurse always gives the student nurse a full report which includes how the patient’s injury was sustained or a synopsis of their illness.  She began, “Mr. Jones was at home last night and had taken a soda bottle and put in pretty far up into his rectum.  When he could not get the bottle back out, he had to go and ask his elderly mother to take him to the emergency room.  Upon further inspection and tests, Mr. Jones had perforated (torn) his intestine and was seriously septic (infection throughout his body).  He is in critical condition and we are unsure if he is going to make it.” 

 Okay, I turned red, then white, and did not know how I was going to face this person.  A soda bottle up his butt?? I mean, I think, I’m pretty sure I knew what he was doing, but geez……HOW EMBARRASSING!  And now he may die from this?  How would you like to have people ask “What happened?  How did he die?”  I mean, the obvious out was “from an infection”.  But can you believe that he actually had to tell his mother about what he did so she could take him to the emergency room??? 

One other gross story was how a nurse friend of mine ended up in the ICU with a similar story, except he had gotten a gerbil caught up in his butt and hurt himself trying to get it back out. 

What is wrong with people??!!!!!